Dion Phaneuf Gay? Seconds, Really Sloppy? You Be The Judge

Using my superior deduction skills in concert with my convolution matrix skills, I’ve found that Mr. Dion Phaneuf might be gay.

This would be a huge step forward for the gays, as the last time a professional athlete (John Amaeche) came out of the closet former NBA SUPERSTAR, Tim Hardaway got quite angry:

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“You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known, I don’t like gay people and I don’t like to be around gay people. I am homophobic. I don’t like it. It shouldn’t be in the world or in the United States.” LINK

Apparently, Mr. Hardaway who spent 1989-1996 as an All-Star Guard on the Golden State Warriors was in touch with his community: Most Of California’s Blacks Voters Backed Gay Marriage Ban, Washington Post

Anyways, Back on Point. Sean Avery has been suspended indefinitely by the league for these comments:

Uh, I’m really happy to be back in Calgary. I love Canada.

And I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about.

Enjoy the game tonight.

Regardless, of whether or not the seconds were indeed sloppy I’m quite worried by the similiarity in places where Phaneuf has kissed and  Avery has splooged.

There appears to be almost a 100% correlation between these completely independent actions.

There is a 5cm standard deviation, and about 2-3 cm margin of error but for the most part it does appear as though Phaneuf has kissed places that Mr. Vogue  has evacuated his, more than likely shaved, scrotum.

As always, I do not draw conclusions — I only ask questions.

Furthermore, Where does Komisarek fit into this? Dear GOD!

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM???

This is starting to get a bit fishy.