www.topherkris.com

It’s been a month and I’m still not even close to over Chloe Puton. Well, I am over the person, no doubt, but I’m not even close to rationalizing everything that went down. You can pick your derogatory term of choice to address her, but personally, I’m just going to go with facts.

I went out of my way to go over each and every step of the process of moving to Boston and got every answer that one would expect.

Your parents know I’m moving to Boston?

Yes.

Your parents know I’ll be paying rent?

Yes.

You know that this will be very expensive for me?

Yes.

You know that there’s a chance we’ll be in the exact same situation six months from now?

The border isn’t an impenetratable force, you can get a work visa.

You know that getting a work visa will be difficult because I work for myself?

Yes.

You know that I’m a bit weird and will probably need a month to really settle in?

Yes, that’s fine. But I already have our itinerary planned out.

You know that I’m giving up my apartment for this?

Yes.

You know that I’m not looking after the cat for two months because I’m a great guy?

Right.

You know that you’re young and it might be better off just breaking up?

No, I love you and want you here.

Are you sure you don’t want to break up, you’ve never lived on your own and I’m worried what’ll happen if you suddenly enjoy the freedom?

No baby. I love you.

You know that I’ll have to purchase six months worth of health insurance and it’ll cost me a lot?

You don’t have to purchase health insurance, my uncle’s a nurse.

Chloe, I have to. All I do is injure myself.

Well, yah.

You know that while I move to Simcoe to wait for word that you know whether you’re staying in Boston or moving back to Toronto, I will not be able to work… at all?

You can still work. Accept the $3000 contract!

No, I’m telling you that I can’t without highspeed internet.

What are we going to do when you have friends coming over to visit?

I have a divider for the room, it’ll be fine baby. I can’t wait to see you.

What are we going to do when I don’t feel like going out?

I don’t expect you to come out every night.

And you’re sure your parents are okay with this?

Yes.

And you’re sure that you haven’t enjoyed the freedom?

I want you to come down.

It sucks having to give away all this stuff, Chloe.

I know, but you’ll be in Boston soon.

Chloe, you know me. You know what you’re asking me to do. I am moving to Boston not for career, not for family, not for anything but you.

Baby, I want you here.

—————————————-

…and that’s what gets me and why I’ll never be able to figure this shit out. I literally asked every imaginable question. There are probably hundreds more. We talked for at least 2-3 hours a night on GMAIL and every night was the same typical “I love you and want you here.” It wasn’t like I blindly flew into this. What blew my mind the most was that she basically quoted verbatim every concern I’d asked her about for the previous four months.

As you all know me, I’m a bit of a weird one, but it’s not like that wasn’t fully addressed. I know me, and I know how I am and made sure that while I have changed, Chloe Puton understood each and every nuance and was ready to accept it.

Maybe during the time we dated, I could’ve went out more, but it was four years, so please don’t use it as an excuse. It’s not like I changed over night. She knew exactly how I was. She knew exactly how I acted.

I sat down for hours going over every single fucking thing with her because this was after all a pretty big deal.

I’m immature as fuck, but I approached this situation like the paranoid motherfucker that I am. I knew this shit would happen and all that I asked was for her to consider the questions that I asked.

I still can’t wrap my head around why someone would ball and cry every time that you suggested a break-up. It’s not like I just avoided the tough questions. I faced them head on and just wanted a little bit of respect in return. When I had a problem, when I noticed something off with her, I asked questions and was always told that she couldn’t wait to see me.

So I hope that each and every friend that I have fully understands why I’m so incredibly fucked up about this. I saw this coming and asked her so many times if maybe it was for the best — not for me, but for her — to break up. But she just balled and cried and begged me to come down.

Obviously you can draw your own conclusions, but simply know that I went out of my goddamn way to address each and every fucking thing that she spat back at me when she broke up with me.

I just can’t help but picture her justifying the break-up with all sorts of shit that was not only addressed, but spoken about for hours.

“I’m young and want to be free. I love the independence” — Probably talked about 10 times.

“Kris doesn’t come out enough” — Probably talked about for about 15 hours.

“I’ve only ever dated one person” — probably talked about the most, endlessly. I went out of my way to bring this up.

I’m not mad or anything, I’m just very confused with my life. It’s not like I addressed this shit for my own good. I know exactly who I am and who I love.

So that’s why i have a little bit of an issue rationalizing, “Well, I’ve thought about the things you’ve been saying and decided you were right”

Well, duh. I’m always right. It’s because I plan ahead. It’s because I’m not an ignorant moron.