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I love quite a few things.

Love, in that I’d miss them if the never existed, rather than the kind of love you experience when you stick your face between two tits and just go to town. Both loves are important, probably equally so. Maybe they’re the same thing. Philosophical, I shall not be, at least overtly. Alas, two things whose existence I enjoy collided into a shit-show of awesome tonight.

First: 

The National Geographic Channel aired a marathon of WORLD’S DEADLIEST ANIMALS. I found this masterpiece in time to catch North America, Australia, India, and Africa. That’s 48 deadly animals that I now know to avoid. National Geographic made it abundantly clear that to avoid these deadly animals, I should not go sticking my bare foot into shaded areas nor should I visit the majority of Africa or India.

One of the deadliest, I believe THE DEADLIEST, snakes found in Africa was the PUFF ADDER! Adder refers to any number of snakes, but the PUFF ADDER kills more people in Africa than any other snake. It’s venom isn’t as poisonous as the BLACK MAMBA, but the PUFF ADDER is a fat-ass, slow as fuck snake that’s found all over Africa and loves to kill people. Basically AIDS in reptile form. Australia was also afflicted by adders, but they were smart and to the point when they named it the DEATH ADDER.

The Death Adder actually has a tiny little tail that it tricks prey into believing is a grub, or at least something munchable before it ATTACKS.

My love of various animals that kill things is probably documented somewhere in the form of “OMFG, I LOVE SHARK WEEK.”

Second:

I enjoy Friedrich Nietzsche a lot. Not just in the sense that I gave a frog a giant moustache and completely misrepresented the title of a book, but rather in the whole “words are good” way.

COMBINATION:

So, the discerning reader will know where I’m going with this and while I couldn’t pry myself away during the marathon because my step father was using the computer and bobbing his head to a Leonard Cohen DVD, I eventually got on. By the way, National Geographic has no commercials and it’s just hours upon hours of ANIMALS ATTACKING PEOPLE.

One day had Zarathustra fallen asleep under a fig tree, owing to the heat, with his arms over his face.  And there came an adder and bit him in the neck, so that Zarathustra screamed with pain.  When he had taken his arm from his face he looked at the serpent; and then did it recognise the eyes of Zarathustra, wriggled awkwardly, and tried to get away.  ”Not at all,” said Zarathustra, “as yet you have not received my thanks!  You have awakened me in time; my journey is yet long”.  ”Your journey is short,” said the adder sadly; “my poison is fatal”.  Zarathustra smiled.  ”When did ever a dragon die of a serpent’s poison”?  - said he.  ”But take your poison back!  You are not rich enough to present it to me”.  Then fell the adder again on his neck, and licked his wound.  When Zarathustra once told this to his disciples they asked him: “And what, O Zarathustra, is the moral of your story”?  And Zarathustra answered them thus: The destroyer of morality, the good and just call me: my story is immoral.  When, however, you have an enemy, then do repay him with good for evil: for that would shame him.  Rather prove that he has done something good to you.  And rather be angry than shame any one!  And when you are cursed, it pleases me not that you should then desire to bless.  Rather curse a little also!  And should a great injustice befall you, then do quickly five small injustices more.  Terrible to behold is he who bears injustice alone.  Did you ever know this?  Shared injustice is half justice.  And he who can bear it, should take the injustice upon himself!  A small revenge is more human than no revenge at all.  And if the punishment be not also a right and an honour for the transgressor, then I do not like your punishment.  It is more noble to declare oneself in the wrong than to maintain that you are right, especially if you are right.  Only, one must be rich enough to do so.  I do not like your cold justice; out of the eye of your judges there always glances the executioner and his cold steel.  Tell me: where find we justice, which is love that is not blind?  Devise me, then, the love which not only bears all punishment, but also all guilt!  Devise me, then, the justice which acquits everyone except the judge!  And would you hear this also?  To him who seeks to be just from the very heart, even a lie becomes philanthropy.  But how could I be just from the heart!  How can I give everyone his own!  Let this be enough for me: I give to Everyone my own.  Finally, my brothers, guard again doing wrong to any hermit.  How could a hermit forget!  How could he avenge!  Like a deep well is a hermit.  Easy is it to throw in a stone: if it should sink to the bottom, however, tell me, who will bring it out again?  Guard again injuring a hermit!  If you have done so, however, well then, kill him also!  Thus spoke Zarathustra.