Fantasy Baseball

Unfortunately, this blog has died like so many of my hopes and dreams.  Rather than revitalizing what once seemed like a promising idea, a blog for all of your large black penis needs, I shall kill it dead.

I’ve been keeping myself terribly busy writing grammatically incorrect fantasy baseball articles here.

Unfortunately, the Toronto Star Pass that kept me so busy last year is sold the hell out.  This means, I get no BASEBOL.

I am currently in need of an addictive hobby to satisfy my ADD.

Something along the lines of Day Time Soap Opera Plot Summaries, seems about as enjoyable as it gets.  So, please check in often for all of your Days of our Lives gossip and spoilers.

I have also taken up reading the written word, as opposed to downloading and listening to those same words.  I’m still currently on the fence as to whether or not being able to touch/feel/hold literature is better than listening to ALLSTARS OF TV narrate it.

WBC DAY TWO: Scott Shields’ Nut-Grabbing

Well, Shields apparently caught me taking photos and figured he’d a) grab his nuts and b) get Victorino to give him a blow job.

Lots of BP photos, no game photos.  Grabbed a ticket for 8 bucks from a scalper and chloers wanted me home so — here goes:

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World Baseball Classic, Toronto. The View From The 500s.

Great game today, and the Rogers Centre/Skydome was as electric as I’ve ever seen it.  Unfortunately taking photos from the 500s is a bit of a chore, but I managed to get a couple goodies.  All the while completely ignoring my girlfriend.

The 33-Year old kid looked good today, but it was just a matter of time before the Americans started to tee-off on him.

The Rogers center gun was screwy, but Jake Peavy was registering 94-95mph. Peavy normally comes in at around 92-93ish.  Peavy didn’t look the best, but the heater and change combo appears to be there.

The Star for Canada was Phillippe Aumont, who has one hell of a breaking pitch.  Fangraphs already has something up on him, but for a 20 year old — damn.

The Velocity and Verticle/Horizontal movement is ridiculous.  Without further adieu, the view from the 500s.

Ziegler took time out to sign for fans.  Good game.

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World Baseball Classic…and Baseball Cards?

There’s no fantasy baseball content within this post, which is unfortunate. However, there is a whole hoot of a lot of regular baseball content.

A few weeks ago, I went down to the Rogers Centre (Skydome) to grab WBC tickets. The rather large lady working the counter informed me that the tickets were only available through MLB at this point, and I should check back later if I wanted to buy them at the Box Office rather than paying the stupid surcharge.

I started writing an overly long diatribe about Anti-Trust, but it was stupid. To summarize, it’s really fucking idiotic that they force you to order on-line and pay their 20% charge if you want good seats.

I was stubborn and refused to pay the ridiculous fee, so I got stuck with crappy seats.

Seats also tend to be more expensive when you’re buying for two. I did however ask whether you’d be able to sneak in down to the first level to watch batting practice like you can during the season. I was assured you could, and I’m almost certain that they lied to me. I’m assuming that the Dome, which has already sold 40,000 tickets for the first USA vs. CANADA, will be absolutely nuts during BP — I’m curious as to whether or not it’ll trump the frenzy of a Yankees or Red Sox game.

I’m pretty excited to bring my new camera to the game and curse my brains out at the terrible lighting in the Dome. I’m sure I’ll take plenty of awful photos with an awful white balance.

In Game 1 of the WBC in Toronto, Canada and the US face off. The best outfield level tickets were in row 19! So, I made a wager that’s bound to backfire.

I assumed Canada would beat Italy, and I bought tickets to game 5 and 6. If Canada loses to Italy, I’m royally screwed.

My assumptions were as follows:

Canada loses to the USA. Venezuela beats Italy. The US and Venezuela face off, and it doesn’t matter who loses. Canada faces Italy and wins. This means that Game 5 would be the winner of the Canada / Italy game versus the loser of the USA / Venezuela game.

So, I assumed it’s Canada vs. Venezuela. Then I bought tickets to Game 6 which should be Canada (or Venezuela) vs. the USA. If Venezuela beats the USA, then I’ll get to see Canada vs. USA in game five, and the winner of that game vs. Venezuela in game 6.

Of course, if Italy beats Canada I’ll get to watch Italy take on Venezuela — and I’ll kill myself.

I’m not sure which side of the fence I fall on with regards to purchasing tickets in a NO-ALCOHOL section. I’m somewhat curious as to whether or not the folks at the Rogers Center will raise the prices of booze. Could 14oz of liquid gold set you back 10 DOLLARS instead of 9 DOLLARS? We shall see.

More Baseball! Cards!

On the walk back from the Sky-Dome, I stopped at “Legends of the Game” which is a nifty little card-shop alongside a Tim Horton’s. I’ve been there a few times, and the guys always seem nice — nicer than the prices, at least. It’s a bit pricey, with a pack of Topps ‘09 running almost 4 bucks and the Upper Deck pack of 20 coming close to 8 bucks, OUCH!

Needless to say, I did something I haven’t done in 15 Years: I bought a retail pack of baseball cards. I bought one pack of Topps, and one of Upper Deck. Nothing fancy, no Spectrum or Chrome — Just plain old base set, series 1.

The upper deck look like nicer cards, I think. I’m really not sure which cards I enjoy more. The Upper Deck cards are a bit flashier, but the Topps cards are a bit more “baseball-card-ish”. They just look like a solid baseball card. Either way, I’m glad that Topps removed their stupid assed printed black signatures.

In my first pack of Upper Deck, I got an autograph. I sat around earlier watching people do “box-breaks” on youtube, and it’s ridiculous.

They just fly through 15 packs looking for hits. Someone pulled a Brady Quinn autograph jersey card, and an Adrian Peterson Autograph Jersey card in the same box. They blew there load, I guess I would too.

I’m sure they popped up on ebay pretty quick-fast. I think they go for well over a couple hundred bucks each.

Either way, I’m pretty high on David Murphy and his fantasy value this year so I was pretty pleased when I pulled an autograph. Apparently they’re only 6 or 7 bucks on ebay, but I’m still excited.

In the Topps, I got a Turkey Red Cole Hamels card which was very lack-luster. Those cards should have been a lot nicer — alas, they weren’t. I was thinking of buying a back of Upper Deck Spectrum at some point, but I’m not a fan of celebrity-rock-band autographs.

If there’s any recommendations for packs under 10 bucks, I’ll probably go and buy one at some point next week. I definitely prefer sharp looking cards over the possibility of crazy-awesome inserts.

Attack Kitty, Attack of the Meow Cat.

Meow Cat Presents attack of the meow-cat.

Mr. P. T. Fucker has been scratching at the door at 6am, every morning.  My favourite picture is the last one with his little hairy tongue.

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Free Time…

I’ve been having a blast with my camera, and I’m very excited for my super-awesome trip to the Toronto Auto Show courtesy of crazy-old-cat-lady.

If any of my loyal readers want to go to the Auto Show, Chloe said I could have the passes.  So I’ll be taking photos of booth-babes, and depressed auto workers.  I thought about going today, as all reasonable car people would be watching NASCAR’s DAYTONA 500 (lame ending) but it was still pretty packed.

There are two absolutely giant worm-like structures that surround a good chunk of the north and south-west side of the Dome.  They are warm whereas outside is cold — brilliant.

I thought today would be a great day of Cable-Television and sports but it brought the fail.  The Daytona had a rain delay and the NBA all-star game was awful.  For someone who probably has at least 12 inches of cock, Lebron James is a giant bitch: “I’m going to put my name in for the Slam Dunk Contest next year”. Lame-ghey. If he wasn’t a 6′9 black-dude with ridiculous leaping ability he’d be on the Hills, or the City, or giving handjobs to Sean Avery at Vogue.

Furthermore, the Pebble Beach Pro-Am was also rained out.  The Suck was brought pretty hard.

ATTACK KITTY!! ATTACK KITTY!!!

Shawn Marion A Toronto Raptor – Colangelo, Swallows Chunky Man Load.

Brian Colangelo is apparently not adverse to the quality of horse fucking, ridiculous horse fucking, that Sam Mitchell exhibited for far too long.

The Raptors traded Jermaine O’Neal, and Jamario Moon for Shawn Marion, and the uber-overpaid Marcus Banks.

I could deal with this, but some crack-pot Miami newspaper is telling the peoples that there’s a conditional- lottery protected – draft pick involved.

Lame.

CBC dissolves the trade down to what it actually is after you disregard all of the expiring contracts

T.J Ford, and Two draft picks for….Marcus 9-million-dollar-Banks and Jawai, with some more cash-money to waste on disco-balls for our euro-trash locker-room.

Marion should be fun to watch, real fun. With Bosh, Andrea, and Marion up front — we’ve got a shot. I guess what Colangelo is trying to do, is clear up as much cap-space as humanly possible.

In other news, more important news: I’ve been getting an insane amount of hits searching for “ridiculous horse fucking” and I Approve. “Horse Fucking” of the un-ridiculous kind has also been searched for — too much.

While they won’t touch the “Santonio Holmes Naked” search, they’re close enough for me.

It’s Finally Happened: Tillman Arrested For Actin’ A Foo’

Some men were born to look as if they have, or are going to, commit a sexual offense against a super-hot 16-year old, who was clearing asking for it. Her mouth was saying no, but her eyes were saying faster, type girls. Eric Tillman, Saskatchewan Roughriders GM, is one of these men.

The Globe and Mail informed me this morning that Tillman denies sexually assaulting a 16-year old last summer. He also denies driving around a Dodge Caravan filled with candy and condoms.  Furthermore, Tillman accuses the police force of racially profiling 51-year old, glasses wearing, red-headed, white men for sex crimes.

I’ve made the last bit up because neither Tillman or Riders’ President, Jim Hopson, would comment on the accusations.

Fortunately, there is a source close to Tillman that gives us the heads up:

…the GM told police the incident occurred while Tillman was taking painkillers for a back ailment.

According to the source, Tillman was sent home before he was to attend a Roughriders board meeting on Aug. 6, the same day the encounter with the 16-year-old occurred, which led to the charge. — Globe Article

The Globe goes on to give us the back-story: “The charge stems from alleged inappropriate touching from behind, according to the source, who added the family of the girl had asked Regina police to drop charges.”

Some People may not believe in destiny, but when you look like Eric Tillman and you’re high on pain-killers, it rears its ugly head.

Thanks CBC for unknowingly letting me use your Eric Tillman Images.

Drunk Driving How-To: Jamal Williams, DT, San Diego Chargers

Jamal Williams Arrested For Being a Jolly Old Fat Man.

Jamal Williams, one of my most favouritest defensive tackles, was busted for drunk driving (suspicion my ass) as reported by 10news.com.

What makes this incredibly ballin’ is not that Jamal Williams shared the Chargers’ team-MVP with Phillip Rivers, it’s not that Jamal Williams was arrested three days after the wild-card game and was still allowed to play the Steelers in the AFC Championship — It’s that Jamal Williams is a mountain of a man.

Williams comes in at about 6′3″ and is listed at 350lbs but is probably closer to 375lbs. So how does a man get this hammered? Hammered enough to get to California’s .08 blood alcohol limit?

Blood Alcohol Calculator to the rescue!

Here’s a brief recap of the hour leading up to Jamal’s arrest.

9:00pm: One Vodka Cranberry

9:10pm: One Beer

9:20pm: One Red Bull and Vodka

9:30pm: One Full Fledged Martini, none of this single shot bullshit

9:45pm: One Shot of his choice

9:52pm: One White Russian

and BAM, we’ve achieved the BARE MINIMUM in California, a .08!

A 350lb man can drink 8 standard drinks in 1 hour, and only blow a .076! That’s point .004 below the legal limit.

Please keep in mind, he probably blew over the legal limit so I bet he had one hell of a night.

While its a lot less fun to think about, he can only drink 10 in 2 hours, and then 11 or 12 in 3 hours.

Tuesdays, Sony Alpha 300, Beef Jerky.

Tuesday brings with it a blog post. Tuesday night brings Chili.

Quick Chili Recipe, that shall be repeated after the stank-ass dented botulism bacteria breeding tin of Almer’s Chili flavoured diced tomatoes.

By the way, I still cannot get over the fact that the people at Almer’s recommended that I eat the Tomatoes and then call the Health Board if I got sick.

1 Wad of chopped up (stewing) beef

1 Wad of Lean Ground Beef

1 Handful of cooked bacon (GREASE IS HOT-BEWARE)

1 tin of Almer’s Chili Flavored Diced Tomatos

2 tins of on-sale tomato paste

1 large tin of on-sale stewed tomatos

1. tin of each red and white kidney beans

1 tin of black beans

1 tin of pigeon beans

1 handful of seasoning — Includes Chili Peppers, and Whatever else you have.

1 measured amount of tomato sauce.

1 portion of leftover mushrooms

1 other pepper, washed, stemmed, seeded.

Instructions. Cook meat. Drain meet. Add Tomato based products to meat. Add Spices. Simmer. Add Beans. Simmer. Add Vegetables and Mushrooms. Simmer.

Serves 1 person for 1 week, eating 2 meals a day.  Serve with Garlic Bread and Immodium.

Camera, Sony Alpha 300 DSLR-A300. Fun.

I got a camera for christmas.  It’s a Sony / Minolta. I spent far too long looking for this camera, but i feel that i made the correct choice.

I felt that the Nikon’s that were of equal price were silly-stupid, and didn’t offer up the awesome.  Many of them didn’t take all Nikon lenses.  Lame.

The Canon XS and XSi looked solid, and were probably better cameras but lacked a few features that i deemed awesome. Canon puts the IS or Image Stablization into the lenses. Which improves performance, or shutterspeed/fstop, over the Sony but also increases cost.

Sony’s tilting LCD / Live View has come in handy. Especially for those tough over or under the adjacent bathroom stall shots. However, as the Alpha has the same mount as the old Minolta AF lenses — grabbing a used lense is cheap.

I hadn’t figured out all the buttons yet, and ended up shooting at 3200 ISO for half a day. Duh.

I ended up grabbing a Sigma 70-300mm f4.0/5.6 lense with a little macro feature at 300mm. It’s turned out well, but the autofocus has been a cunt. I may have to return it, but Henrys has a 90 day warranty.

So I shrunk the image down, cause i’m lazy, but you get the point. I was playing with the aperture and depth of field, and hadn’t read enough to realize that I should have let MOAR light in to have a clear photo without blurring around the edges, OR choose a focal point.

I shrank the zoomed crop down to 70 percent in wordpress, because it wouldn’t fit on the bloody screen.  All and all though, i was pleased with the results.

Damn thing wanted my french fries and kept getting closer and closer, until finally he just bolted.  This is me trying to figure out how White-Balance Works.  All of my other shots are washed out, and it’s too bad.  Most of the other shots showed his war-wounds, and cute little paws.

One final note, I bought a pack of Beef Jerky today figuring it’d last me a bit.  I ate it all by the time I got home, and then proceeded to eat two meals of the day from Burger King.  For some reason, I thought it was Monday and I’d be getting delicious King Supremes but instead got stuck with chicken sandwiches.

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