Shawn Marion A Toronto Raptor – Colangelo, Swallows Chunky Man Load.

Brian Colangelo is apparently not adverse to the quality of horse fucking, ridiculous horse fucking, that Sam Mitchell exhibited for far too long.

The Raptors traded Jermaine O’Neal, and Jamario Moon for Shawn Marion, and the uber-overpaid Marcus Banks.

I could deal with this, but some crack-pot Miami newspaper is telling the peoples that there’s a conditional- lottery protected – draft pick involved.

Lame.

CBC dissolves the trade down to what it actually is after you disregard all of the expiring contracts

T.J Ford, and Two draft picks for….Marcus 9-million-dollar-Banks and Jawai, with some more cash-money to waste on disco-balls for our euro-trash locker-room.

Marion should be fun to watch, real fun. With Bosh, Andrea, and Marion up front — we’ve got a shot. I guess what Colangelo is trying to do, is clear up as much cap-space as humanly possible.

In other news, more important news: I’ve been getting an insane amount of hits searching for “ridiculous horse fucking” and I Approve. “Horse Fucking” of the un-ridiculous kind has also been searched for — too much.

While they won’t touch the “Santonio Holmes Naked” search, they’re close enough for me.

I’ve Turned On My Own

I pride myself on simplifying my life. I aim for a simplicity so straight-froward that a small child could step right in and live my life  for me. If a plague brought about the death of all good-looking people or Africanized killer bees wiped out all of the pheromone producing alpha males — I’d have a replacement.

Such simplicity comes at a cost, a RACIST cost. Apparently it’s a terrible idea to group things into categories that can be easily understood. To me, these categories are much like a separator for your silverware drawer: USEFUL!

With the winter-wonderland-weather that has engulfed Toronto, I’ve noticed two more ridiculous categories. It’s been three days since the snow, and my sample size is now great enough to state the following as FACT with ZERO MARGIN OF ERROR.

People shovel their sidewalk anywhere from a foot and a half to two feet wide, which clearly isn’t enough for two people to walk past each other at a steady pace without at least minor adjustments by both parties.

I’m uncertain as to why the people that are most prepared for the weather, are also the least polite and totes inconsiderate.

The first group of people are white males between the ages of 15 and 30 that appear to be dressing for the upcoming jungle-war, that will turn Toronto into Vietnam. They have what appear to be the most winter-ready boots known to man, and while they’re often undone, they look reallllll warm.  Yet these camoflauge wearing idiots refuse to even place a single bloody foot into the snow.  They just walk down the centre of the sidewalk.

The second group is petite asian girls. Large AZNs need not apply, you must be shorter than 5′5″ to enter the club. These devil-children have boots that go up to their knees, and have the puffy faux fur at the top.  Yet, they refuse to move. All that’s required is a slight veer from the centre of the sidewalk.

I dont understand it. All they do is look at the ground while they walk, so they can quite clearly see that you’re wearing shoes less winterized than theirs — but nope.

I’d say I’ve ran into each category about 15 times, and neither category has moved. Not Once.  On average, every other category that I run into moves about 60 percent of the time.

I’m not counting the “stupid yuppie couple pushing a goddamn stroller that takes up the entire fucking sidewalk and why the fuck do you even have your baby out in this weather anyways” category even though I’ve ran into three instances of said category.

Now, because of my racist categories, I’m far more prepared than YOU.  I know to prepare myself at least 10 feet in advance for a forthcoming evasive maneuver.  This is a much better option than reacting to it at the last minute, and in my haste stepping in snow that is a foot deep.

To further inform you, so you do not need to conduct the science on your own, these are the best people to share a sidewalk with:

1. Black Males
2. White Females that are of average weight and height

Strangely enough, these groups also appear to be the least prepared for the snow.  There’s an INVERSE correlation between Preparedness & Politeness.