Drunk Driving How-To: Jamal Williams, DT, San Diego Chargers
Jamal Williams Arrested For Being a Jolly Old Fat Man.
Jamal Williams, one of my most favouritest defensive tackles, was busted for drunk driving (suspicion my ass) as reported by 10news.com.
What makes this incredibly ballin’ is not that Jamal Williams shared the Chargers’ team-MVP with Phillip Rivers, it’s not that Jamal Williams was arrested three days after the wild-card game and was still allowed to play the Steelers in the AFC Championship — It’s that Jamal Williams is a mountain of a man.
Williams comes in at about 6′3″ and is listed at 350lbs but is probably closer to 375lbs. So how does a man get this hammered? Hammered enough to get to California’s .08 blood alcohol limit?
Blood Alcohol Calculator to the rescue!
Scott Gould Flickr
Here’s a brief recap of the hour leading up to Jamal’s arrest.
9:00pm: One Vodka Cranberry
9:10pm: One Beer
9:20pm: One Red Bull and Vodka
9:30pm: One Full Fledged Martini, none of this single shot bullshit
9:45pm: One Shot of his choice
9:52pm: One White Russian
and BAM, we’ve achieved the BARE MINIMUM in California, a .08!
A 350lb man can drink 8 standard drinks in 1 hour, and only blow a .076! That’s point .004 below the legal limit.
Please keep in mind, he probably blew over the legal limit so I bet he had one hell of a night.
While its a lot less fun to think about, he can only drink 10 in 2 hours, and then 11 or 12 in 3 hours.
Maybe Arizona Can Win? Offense, Look up!
Starting with shit not related to football at all, here’s some thoughts:
1. Arizona had some issues going east, and going into weather.
- They only had issues going east when they played an early game
- Weather is going to kill Arizona every time, so lets hope Tampa is sunny and warm
2. Arizona is a young team:
- Trouble traveling, massive streaks, and drenching your coach with gatorade after your first playoff win screams — young team, will get overwhelmed and crushed.
Onto the Good Stuff
When Arizona is on Offense – What Arizona Needs To Do
1. Pittsburgh’s going to give Fitzy and Boldin room to run, and they’re going to have to attack the DBs and come out of their breaks like a man on a mission, as Warner is going to be on his ass quick-fast. There’s going to be plenty of room for these guys to catch the balls if they dont get greedy. If the Steelers try and bump these guys off the line, they’re going to get fucked — Boldin and Fitzgerald are too big.
2. Breaston, Pope/Patrick/Spach, and JJ Arrington/James. These guys are going to have to play, and play well. They actually present mild mismatches for the Steelers.
- Arrington/James/Hightower – Arrington has the opportunity to become a star this sunday. Runningbacks have the ability to go off vs. the Steelers, and while none of these cock-suckers will run the ball, they’ll definitely be the number two option coming out of the backfield. It’ll be interesting to see who Pittsburgh will put on Arrington. I’d prefer to see Arrington lining up back there more often than Hightower, as the “he-can-boogey” factor is much greater.
- The Tight Ends - I like Patrick, and Pope. Spach has been decent in the playoffs. The Key to taking care of the Steelers is getting Warner a smidgen of time, and then going out of your way to attack Pittsburgh’s linebackers. Warner can make the reads, and if these gents can find the zones or pick up the blocks, Zona’s got a chance of passes over 10-12 yards.
- Breaston The Burner – It’s mismatch time. If they split Breaston outwide, and throw mainly Boldin into the slot, they’ll have success. Breaston will eat up the cushion, and create a huge bubble under the coverage for the TE and RB to get to. This is where the Cardinals are going to have to win this game, as the OLB will be coming fairly often — so whomever is covering the flats might be a step slow.
- Going 4 Wide isn’t an option for Arizona. While it’s normally a half decent idea to get those Pass Rushing LB out of there — Pittsburgh is deep at the CB position and has solid safety play, which’ll allow them to leave one or both of Harrison in the game. Both guys are fast enough to get back in coverage.
3. Double Goddamn Moves (ONCE AND A WHILE) - Pittsburgh DC, Dick The Beautiful, is smarter than you. He know’s you’re going on three step drops, and you’re going to get the ball to your playmakers. This is probably your entire game plan, right? Warner has lost lateral movement, but he can still make reads as fast as anyone in the game, so he’ll find the checkdown if its not there.
4. Use Polamalu Against Them aka The Pick – They’re going to roll their extra CB or FS to Fitzgerald’s side, and let Troy do his thing. Odds are with Boldin’s lack of speed in the slot, Troy’s gunna be close to the line threatening blitz on most plays and then use his quick-fast speed to get back. Using Breaston on crossing routes over the MLB (Foote and Farrior) with Boldin picking the corner, wont allow Troy to get back. Polamalu is fast as fuck, but his first step is always forward. Breaston can burn, and there’s going to be a nice little hole for him. Maybe it negates Polamalu, maybe not.
5. Blocking – Arizona’s line is extremely young, and they’re going to have a hell of a time blocking these guys. I’ve yet to comprehend why a gigantic offensive line can’t run the ball, if Levi Brown and Lutui with Terrell Smith can get onto the linebackers, they can take care of them. Hell ‘Zona might even be able to run right.
Anyways, hopefully everyones been sat down and told they just need 3-4 Seconds. The amount of shit you can do to an athletic rush-end to delay him for 3 seconds is infinite, but maybe not so legal. The ref’s are going to be looking for Holds, so this could get ugly.
Pacman Jones Is Movin’ On Up.
It appears as though Pacman Jones smartened up while on suspension from the Tennessee Titans. He finally realized that rich people do not need to shoot people. Rich people order hits, and thats exactly what Pacman allegedy totes did.
John Barr from ESPN’s least entertaining show broke the story, apparently.
Unfortunately, the Dallas Cowboys ended up releasing Pacman — LAME.
Pacman’s new found intelligence jumped out and smacked a bitch when confronted with these allegations:
It will be a lawsuit in a week against ESPN. That’s stupid. It’s so stupid I have no more comments. Surprised? Yeah, I was surprised, All I can do is keep working hard, keep my nose clean and hope for the best.
A lovely snippet from the ESPN article, showing that it’s always snitches and bitches that cause a playah problems:
The June 2007 shooting occurred outside a suburban Atlanta strip club. One of the shooting victims told “Outside the Lines” that he had a dispute with Jones inside the strip club and that not long after he and the two others left the club, a hail of bullets struck their car. The NFL knew about that incident, but charges were never brought against anyone because the victims did not see the shooter.
“Outside the Lines” obtained information that police, investigating a separate Atlanta-area case, had been told by an informant that Jones ordered the June 2007 shooting following his dispute with one of the men. Police have said that while the case remains open, they are not actively investigating.
Santonio Holmes in SPACE!
OPTICAL ILLUZIONS!
WATCH SANTONIO HOLMES, MR. AWESOME, WIDE RECEIVER FOR THE PITTSBURGH STEELERS
FLY THROUGH SPACE, NEKKID.
2. SANTONIO CELEBRATES A TD, NEKKID.
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Mr. Paul Maguire Brings The Awesome: WISC vs. FSU in Champ Sports Bowl
December 27, 2008 by kris
Filed under college football
Since Paul Maguire moved to ESPN away from broadcast television, I have missed him dearly. Canadian broadcasting laws dictate that all capable commentators be replaced by Rod Black and his mustache grease.
In what may be the most pathetic moment of this Holiday season, Paul admitted that he got “zippo” for Christmas because his BASTARD grandchildren didn’t get him anything.
Read more
Roger Goodell In Bed With Jerry Jones: Eagles Forced To Sleep in Wet Spot
Carolina Octopi: So Many Arms!
The Carolina Panthers managed to shit their incredibly cold, incredibly frozen, East Rutherford bed tonite against the New York Football Giants.
If you like bone crunching, late-december football — this was your game.
So how did Carolina shit the bed so disastrously?
They were without their primary run stopper up front, Maake Kemoeatu. That’s a problem. However, Kemoeatu’s presence would have made a marginal difference, if any, tonite.
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Fantasy Football: 2008 NFL Rookie TEs and Their Keeper Prospects
December 18, 2008 by kris
Filed under Keeper Info, featured
The 2008 Rookie Tight End class is really going to be hit or miss. It’ll be a lot easier to judge it a few years down the road, but as of now there are a couple guys that have the talent and the opportunity and should be top 10 (ish) keepers for your 2009 fantasy football season.
1. Dustin Keller #81 of the New York Jets, Drafted 30th overall — Purdue Boilermakers
NFL Fantasy Football Quarterbacks: 2009 Mark Sanchez Preview
December 17, 2008 by kris
Filed under College-Kids
Mark Sanchez – Quarterback -USC Trojans (Pac 10)
USC's Mark Sanchez
Height: 6′3″
Weight: 225lbs
Best 40 Time: 4.74s
Projected 40 Time: 4.85
Projected Bench:14 Times @ 225lbs
I can’t see Mark Sanchez staying another year at USC, eventhough he’d probably elevate his draft stock and possibly be the Number 1 Quarterback going into the 2010 draft.
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T.O Tries To Put Words Together
Watch T.O. Attempt to put a sentence together while Steven A. Smith tries to sound smart.
Its painful to watch. T.O. is still bitching about how everyone was open, but Romo just kept throwing to Witten.