Roger Goodell In Bed With Jerry Jones: Eagles Forced To Sleep in Wet Spot
NFL: It’s A Good Year To Be Bad, Maybe? Wait… Turducken!
...at a hockey game?
There’s some bad teams in the National Football League this year, some real bad teams. The Detroit Lions are pulling an O-fer and the Bengals just dont seem to give a damn.
Of course in the NFL, futility is rewarded with a high draft pick. There’s no lottery like the NBA, or NHL — If you’re the worst team, you get the best pick.
Watching Matt Ryan dominate defenses may lead you to believe this is a good thing, until you watch JaMarcus Russell throw yet another pick. When he came into the league wasn’t he supposed to be able to throw the ball through people? from he’s knees? with his arms tied behind his back? while curing AIDS?
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How Roger Goodell spent Pacman Jones’ Salary.
As part of the new NFL personal conduct policy, Jerry Jones has to make it rain in the NFL League Offices instead of paying Adam “Pacman” Jones his salary.
Goodell can force the team to pay up to 50 percent of the players game day cheque, up to a maximum of $500,000. With this being Pacman’s second serious offense, the cap is lowered to $200,000.
With Pacman making about $20,558 a game and Jerry Jones figuring he’ll have to fork over about 40 percent of that, this means Roger is raking in six weeks worth of $8223.20 or about 50K.
So How is Roger going to spend dat bling?
- Snorting cocaine off strippers asses at the Brass Rail in Toronto with Ted Rogers seems like a fairly solid foundation. He did bring regular season football to Canada after all. That’ll probably set him back 8 or 9 grand, but I expect Ted to at least cover his share — so Roger Goodell’s got about 45K Left.
- Pay people to binge drink in front of Jared Allen’s house. Drinking problems are funny, especially when you’re a high motor kind of guy. 41k Left.
- Increase the push for African American Coaches, and Affirmative action in the NFL coaching ranks. With Romeo Cornell, Marvin Lewis, and Mike Singletary almost certainly out of a job due to sheer suckiness, and Tony Dungy eventually retiring, good old Roger is left with only Tomlin and Herm Edwards are guarentees for next year. Lovie Smith is too likeable and after the Bears fail to make the playoffs he’s out too. 30k left
- Start investing the cost of an NFL funded replay system that isn’t reliant on the network tv cameras. 0 Dollars left. Appear on ESPN non-stop for the next week emphasizing how distant the NFL is from sports betting and how betting will never influence his decisions as commisioner. 0 Dollars left.